You've heard the takes by now.
“Weddings are a scam.”
“The math doesn't math.”
“Just elope.”
“Put a down payment on a house instead.”
“Skip the open bar, skip the in-laws, skip the whole performance.”
I get it. I really do. In fact, by month 8 of planning my own wedding, I was telling myself all the same times.
I did the spreadsheet and watched my friends do them too. We see just the number, and decide it's not worth it. And then we’re told to add 20-30% on top of the number.
Definitely not worth it. Plus, society has decided it’s ~chic to not have one. That in some ways, not having one means you love your partner more.
But I want to make a case for the other side.
What a wedding actually is
For most of us, it’s one of two time in our lives when everyone you love is under the same room. The second time, if we’re lucky, is probably at our funeral.
Think about who shows up.
The grandparent who doesn't fly anymore, but flew for this. The cousin who looks up to you like you’re their hero. Your college roommate meeting your in-laws for the first time. Your dad dancing whole-heartedly, in a way you haven’t seen since you were a kid. Four generations, plus the friends scattered across every chapter of your beautiful life, in one photo.
It's the one day this exact lineup of people will share an experience together. And it’s only happening, because you chose to make it happen.
Moments like these used to come around more often “back in the day.”
We don't gather like we used to. Third places are scarce. People marry later or not at all. Fewer friends just knock on your door. We text instead of visit. We mark milestones in a group chat with memes. People at large are geographically more distant from their friends and family than ever before in human history.
Weddings, by accident, have become one of the few experiences in our weird timeline where:
People’s phones are in their pockets for a real amount of time.
Where conversations with strangers isn’t strange at all.
A group can just break bread together without expectations.
People feel something.
I think that’s an experience worth creating and sharing. It’s worth doing at any scale. There are no rules. To choice to host a celebration and the memories that come with it, both, are yours to have and to hold.
What's actually broken
It isn't the wedding. It isn’t even the idea of a wedding.
It's the industry around it.
Brides aren't dreading the celebration. They're dreading the 47-tab spreadsheet, the vendor that ghosts for two weeks, the venue contract that quietly tacks a 22% service charge onto the invoice. They're dreading the Pinterest-to-ad pipeline that turns one search into a year of retargeting. They're dreading sifting through The Knot results that are sorted by who paid the most.
And, unfortunately, some of them are dreading the emotional toll.
When a newly-engaged friend tells me "I think we're just going to elope," nine times out of ten she doesn't mean she doesn't want a wedding.
She means she doesn't want all that. She doesn’t want to spend the next 12-18 months #stressed. She’s afraid of becoming a version of herself where she's drained, potentially broke, fearful of disappointing “society”, and slightly resentful by the time she walks down the aisle.
That’s the messy and frustrating reality of having a wedding today. The unfortunate consequence is that people are opt out of celebrating this milestone all together.
The case I'm making
The world doesn't need fewer weddings. It needs more honest ones.
When more couples get to say yes to the version of this milestone they actually want, it’s a gift for everyone in their orbit. I’d go as far as to say, humanity at large benefits because more people are connecting joyfully, in person, with friends of friends, for a real stretch of time.
Invitees don’t have to be anyone except who they are to the couple. Titles, wealth, accomplishments, none of these things matter.
The relationship is all that matters. People get to be a part of an experience with a pre-vetted group of amazing humans.
We need to make weddings joyful again. And perhaps for the first time in humanity’s history, we can make them a joy to plan.
Whether your idea of the celebration is…
The big Indian extravaganza with three days of events.
Or the intimate backyard affair with thirty people.
Or The Tuesday courthouse elopement that ends with a twelve people and tacos.
All of these count. All of them should be easier to pull off than they are.
More grandmothers in photos with the groom’s fraternity brother!
More cousins on more dance floors!
More 2am tight squeezes from the long-distance bestie who flew in just for this!
Only possible with more people opting in to celebrate with people they love, in their own way.
I want to make the planning part feel like the smallest, and lord help me, the easiest part of getting married. I want you, my friend, to spend your valuable time, energy, and money on being happily, joyfully engaged 💅.
If you've been quietly wondering whether your wedding is worth it, whether you're being indulgent, whether you should scale back, scale down, or skip it: I'm not the right person to ask. I'm going to tell you to have it. I’m going to tell you it’s possible. And then I’m going to actually help you pull it off without you losing your mind 🤍.
Because I deeply believe the world needs more weddings, not less. Let's make yours one of them.
xx,
Zilla